The Emotional Health of Spiritual Leaders: Recognizing the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

For no one does more harm in the Church than he who, 

                                  having the title or rank of holiness, acts evilly.¹

The media storm hit our Georgia community like an EF5 tornado in the dark of night.  Just as tornados of that magnitude leave a wake of fear, denial, destruction, and untold collateral damage, the news about our local Christian university revealed a different magnitude tempest, but no less horrendously destructive.  A married with children academic vice president and pastor of a Christian university that proclaims “Truth Matters”, was accused of love bombing, grooming, and twisting scripture in order to manipulate, control, and justify sexual abuse in the guise of biblical discipleship.  To make matters worse, the victim was a new student, young in her faith, and hungry for God.   Many other young women complained about this vice president’s behavior toward them, but were shut down, threatened by weaponized scripture, and accused of gossip by the leadership defense team.  Faculty and staff members who shared their concerns with leadership were met by indifference, accusations of blowing things out of proportion, and warned about being divisive gossipers.  Some were even allegedly terminated and forced to sign non-disclosure agreements.  

I taught biology at this institution for years and heard the rumors but no hard evidence was forthcoming until the storm hit.  For years there was a troubling pattern of bullying and silencing in the upper echelons.  The defense team was always mobilized into protective mode if students and/or employees brought unwanted issues to their attention.  Eventually, the young lady who had been terrified to come forward and tell the story of her years of abuse, found the courage to take legal action but was shut down by the statute of limitations.  Her last resort was to take it to the media.  She had trusted this spiritual  leader to teach her the biblical truths of God and his love.  Instead he distorted scripture in the most evil way for his own ends.  Her bravery gave other women the courage to tell their stories of hurt and ignited an intense investigation that continues to this day.

Emotionally healthy spiritual leaders are hard to come by and there is just something about leading a religious flock that draws emotionally vacant, power hungry, and glory seeking manipulators, like moths to a flame.  Just as with many types of abuses, there is a spectrum of intensity and hurt that befalls victims of spiritual abuse, but how can we identify and avoid leaders like these? 

Indications of the Bad and the Ugly

In the Bible, God outlines characteristics to look for in unhealthy leaders.  For example, in Ezekiel 34, God is angry at the shepherds of Israel for being selfish, ruling the flock harshly and brutally, ignoring the flock, and not taking care of needs that include feeding, encouragement, and caring for the hurt and sick.  Many of these abused sheep wander away confused and lost, yet these shepherds don't look for them resulting in their flock’s demise by other predators.  

In the biography of Matthew, Chapter 23, Jesus confronted the spiritual leaders of his day and called them out on their pathology.  They were self-appointed authoritarians taking the place of God, in the name of God. They were experts at dumping heavy religious loads of rules and regulations on the people.  They were masters at leading people as far away from God as they were.  They were focused on unimportant details while completely ignoring the heart of God’s justice, mercy, and faithfulness.  They appeared spiritually alive in God with their fancy clothes and spiritual words, but on the inside they were corpses bereft of life.  Jesus called them hypocrites, sons of hell, greedy, self indulgent blind men, brood of vipers, blind guides, and blind fools.  I often think of the destructive collateral damage such leaders wreak and how many souls are wandering; lost in their purpose, lack of community, and feelings of hopelessness.  Then I remember that our Saviour and Chief Shepherd cares for such as these.  He is willing to pursue, find, and gently carry his lost one back to the fold and nurture them with His love and mercy (Matthew 18:12-14).   

In recent years, much research has been done about spiritual abuse and several other symptoms of spiritual pathology have been identified.  If you are unsure about your leadership here are other questions you can ask:

1. Is your leader hypercritical and leading by finding fault in people?

2. Does your leader use love bombing, grooming, fear, cruelty, and threats to manipulate and control his followers, forcing them to conform?

3. Does your leader have a superior or elite attitude while building his own kingdom in the name of God?

4. Is your leader’s acceptance of you contingent on following his rules and his accepted behavior?

5. Do you have difficulty speaking up and sharing concerns for fear of being yelled at or disciplined for questioning the leadership and “God’s anointed"?

6. Is your leader unteachable and making you feel like you are the problem?

7. Are you prevented from making decisions that put Jesus and His Word central, and are best for your life and family?

8. Do you feel controlled by religious texts meant to keep you in line and following the leader’s demands?

9. Is there a defense team or a culture of cover-up in the leadership keeping people in line and insulating the leader from accountability?

   
   

If you could answer yes to a few or more of these questions chances are you are dealing with the bad and the ugly of emotionally unhealthy spiritual leadership.

Indications of the Good

Our Lord has given us many principles for good leadership and characteristics of good leaders in His Word.  After correcting James and John for fighting over who would be first in the kingdom, Jesus summarizes what his leaders should be like.

You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the gentiles lord it over them…Not so with you.  Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your  servant and whoever wants to be first must be servant of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:41-45).

Emotionally healthy leaders strive to be close to Jesus and surrendered to him.  They manifest true humility as servant leaders and deeply care for their flock, as modeled by Jesus (Philippians 2).  The Apostle Paul even tries to find a word that describes the fruit (singular) of the Spirit and comes up with several words meant to convey what the Spirit filled life looks like: love-joy-peace-patience-kindness-goodness-gentleness-faithfulness-self-control.³  These are not meant to be 9 different fruits, instead they are meant to describe one fruit or life characteristic of believers walking closely with and surrendered to the Spirit of God (Acts 6:3).  Leaders manifesting this fruit consistently are spiritually healthy and both the Apostle Peter and Paul expound on what this fruit looks like in practical ways.  You can use the following godly leadership qualities to evaluate your leadership or as a filter for when you are looking for a healthy community.  

Godly leaders (overseers, pastors, bishops, shepherds) are above reproach (without blame), temperate, sensible, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle, kind, not violent, not argumentative, not quarrelsome, not lovers of money, if married, a husband committed only to his wife, able to manage their family well, not a new believer, have a good reputation with those outside the community, pursue being right with God, avoid foolish and stupid arguments, are not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not drunk, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain, disciplined, able to teach, they hold firmly to God’s Word, and are encouraging others in sound biblical teaching while refuting those who oppose that teaching (1 Timothy 3:1-7; 2 Timothy 2:22-25; Titus 1:6-9; 1 Peter 5:1-4).  A spiritually healthy community is a reflection of their spiritually healthy leadership.

Beauty for Ashes

Isaiah 61:3 captures the healing balm of this beautiful phrase.  In biblical culture, people would put ashes on themselves when in great mourning and pain.  This would often drive them to seek help, mercy, and loving kindness from the one true God.  In their repentance and mourning and longing after Him, He would meet them in their needs and beautifully transform their pain and sorrow (ashes) to a wondrous hope and joy (beauty).  

A few months before the media storm, the young lady who had been so horribly hurt called to tell me her story.  It was a deeply emotional and painful conversation and her ashes of this experience were evident.  When I asked her why she wanted to share it with me, she had a few reasons, but a key one was that she wanted to share how Jesus, the one true God, transformed her ashes of sorrow, pain, and abuse into the beauty of love, hope, and experiencing God’s faithfulness.  I told her she was a walking miracle.  Most people would have run away from Christ and Christianity, but she wanted to give him glory instead?  I asked her why she didn’t run.  She replied that she did get angry and walked away briefly, but she knew deep in her heart that the one true God was Christ and that He loved her.  Because she knew the bible was being twisted and taken out of context by this spiritual leader, she was determined to read it for herself, with no one giving commentary, and seek God with all her heart to reveal himself to her.  As she embarked on this odyssey, she was excited to tell me what she discovered.  She said that she found him!  She found the one true God in Jesus, and knows him deeply, loves him fully, and wants everyone else to know Him too.  The Chief Shepherd found this lost lamb and brought her home.  

At the end of that call, I was deeply touched by her faith and God’s faithfulness to her.  May we grow close to our One true Creator and Saviour.  Let us also quickly recognize and repel the emotionally unhealthy spiritual leaders that would take glory from God. distort his Word to their own ends, and leave sorrowful ashes in their wake.  

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy, to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power, and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord before all ages now and forever more Amen (Jude 1:25).

                                                      Helpful Resources For Further Reading

Pastoral Care, by Gregory the Great

Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What it is and How to Respond, by Karen Roudkovski, pp 50-62.

Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes: Removing Cultural Blinders to better Understand the Bible, by E. Randolph Richards and Brandon J. O’Brien, pp 74-75

Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church by Michael J. Krueger

Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing from Painful Spiritual Abuse by Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton.

Twisted Scriptures: Breaking Free from Churches that Abuse by Mary Alice Chrnalogar.