The Restorative Power of Jesus and Loving Connection

We love exploring our Father’s world together.  There is nothing like spending our papa-daughter time climbing waterfalls, exploring mysterious routes, and facing the unexpected challenges where we need one another to overcome them.  We love being united in love and purpose as these experiences draw us closer and provide the basis for the beautiful memories we are making.  In our escapades God often reminds us of the importance of healthy relationships, with each other and in the body of Christ, by physical illustrations He uses in the design of his creatures (Romans 1:20).

For example, consider old man’s beard lichen. It looks like a plant but it actually consists of two organisms; fungus and algae living in a mutualistic relationship. They need each other to thrive and survive. The fungus protects the algae from the environment and is a moisture source while algae produce food for both.  They are at their best and most healthy when they work together. This is known as a mutual symbiosis. While ecologists debate the nuances of these relationships, the takeaway is clear: both organisms flourish when they are in unity with one another. We share this remarkable creature to illustrate God's intentional design, offering a living metaphor for the beauty and necessity of shared, supportive relationships amongst His people.  Our spiritual and emotional health and vitality are at their peak when we are connected to the true Saviour of humanity, and unified in mutual relationships with one another (John 17:20-25; 1 Corinthians 12:1-26). 

But our Father’s world is a fallen and distorted one (Genesis 3).  We also see these distortions in our wanderings.  For example, the seemingly innocuous Eastern dodder seeds drop to the soil and wait until the right moment before they germinate.  Not content to live in associations where there is mutual give and take of resources, this parasite finds unwilling and often young and vulnerable plants and entraps them in its coils.  Host growth becomes arrested, which allows the dodder to use specialized structures to penetrate the victim’s tissues, and rob them of their vitality by syphoning their life energy from them.  This is a one-way relationship where the dodder ignores boundaries, does not care about the host it steals from, and simply takes what is not theirs to meet its own needs.  Dodder will parasitize many species, but it is especially harmful to our commercially important cranberry crops.  This parasite overpowers, controls, and manipulates the life of cranberries such that they are prevented from growing to their potential.   The result is that the whole crop becomes severely weakened and unfruitful.  Without careful help and intervention, this parasite might not kill the crop outright but fruitfulness may decrease 80-100%.¹   Just as dodder drains life from its host, parasitic abuse in human relationships does the same to our souls. But there is hope.  In the case of dodder infestation, once carefully removed, host plants begin to recover.   In the same way, if a church or religious group becomes infested with spiritually abusive false teachers who have siphoned the vitality of their members, the true God along with his true followers can remove them or encourage the wounded to leave so that restorative healing and fruitfulness can take place.

I (Tom) am an ecologist and licensed trauma counselor and I (Carissa) am training to become a trauma counselor.  As members of God’s family, we are honored to support those who have been deeply weakened and severely hurt by neglect, abandonment, and spiritual abuse from religious parasites. This isn’t just theory for us, it’s personal.  I (Carissa) come from a traumatic background, born into an environment where parasites of the narcissistic kind had already been well established.  They trespassed personal boundaries in my early growth and parasitized my soul in the coils of abuse and neglect.  I was never given the space to grow into emotional or spiritual wholeness. From the beginning, the conditions for vitality were absent, replaced instead by manipulation, neglect, and control. Rather than being nurtured, my soul was stunted, and the fullness of who I was created to be remained buried beneath layers of pain and anger. I know intimately what it feels like to have things taken from me, things I never gave willingly, only to be left blaming myself in the aftermath. For 30 years, I wrestled with the weight of that pain until God extended a lifeline and I was “adopted” into a loving and safe family.  Papa and mom became my refuge. For the first time, I experienced what true love and unity of purpose a family can be while being taught the real character of God.  And wow, his character is amazing to experience and wonderful to behold.  Many of us know that He is without origin, never changes, and all knowing (Colossians 1:17; Malachi 3:6; Isaiah 46:9-10).   But He is also love, justice, compassion, peace, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and patience (1 John 4:8; Deut. 32:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7; Galatians 5:22-23).   Healing started with two people who saw me, heard me, and stayed. After a life where the brokenness of the world seemed to rob me of everything and leave me battered, I was met with God’s grace and compassion. The characteristics of God listed above were not familiar to me outside of the transactional relationships I grew up in. Loving connection, founded upon the characteristics of God through Christ and experiencing many of those beautiful qualities from my papa and mom’s commitment to Jesus, became the foundation upon which trust and safety could finally take root. It’s here that restoration and growth started to take place.

The same may be said for the greater family of God.  Many of you know intimately what we speak.  If you experience depression or struggle with anger, fear, and distrust because parasitic leaders who, through spiritual control, manipulation, and abuse, siphoned the vitality of your identity and productivity, you know the undue shame of being weakened and being unfruitful, that the abuser should be feeling but often doesn’t.  The times we experience these emotional struggles are the times we need the compassion of the true Jesus and the mutual edification and restoration of His people the most.  Though there are many good bodies of Christ, if you’re like us, that type of compassion, edification, and restoration can be hard to find.  It is easier to find people who want to preach, judge, control, manipulate, or shame you.

Shame can be the most devastating result of spiritual abuse.  It’s important to distinguish it from guilt. Guilt, and conviction from God by His Spirit, is a loving alert that we are doing something wrong. It is God’s way of saying, “I care too much to let you self-destruct.” He corrects us for our own good because he loves us (Hebrews 12:6).  Those of you who are parents understand this well as you lovingly correct your children.  Abuse produces the rot of shame, spoiling our identity.  It whispers, “I am always the problem and unredeemable.”  Shame distorts the image of God that is us and leaves behind a fractured sense of self that can linger long after the abuse ends. Here is the good news: That message does not come from the God revealed in Scripture. Jesus bore our shame on the cross, can transform shame into praise, and those who trust Him will never be put to shame (Heb. 12:2; Zephania 3:19; 1 Peter 2:6).  God does not set out to shame us, but in our turning back to him, He sets out to rescue us. He calls us by name, not by our wounds. He restores what was stolen, rebuilds what was broken, and reclaims what was buried. In His presence, shame loses its voice.   

How then do we find restoration, healing, and loving connection in the aftermath of spiritual parasitism?  Our spiritual restoration and development have come through our deep need for being rescued by the Saviour, his transforming power, and the mutual edification of one another.  To edify is to build up or to place courage within someone else.  Edifying one another is deeply rooted in the New Testament, where believers are emboldened to support, encourage, and strengthen each other in their spiritual journeys.  However, it’s going to require intentional effort and humility from us all. The Apostle Paul admonished us to be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3). 

Jesus designed us to come alongside one another.  Listening to one another that we may feel heard, witnessing one another that we may feel seen, and caring for one another that we may feel known.  Unlike parasitism, edifying one another is mutualistic, like the mutual symbiosis of an old-man’s-beard.  Edifying gives and does not take. 

Consider what God has told us about this.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification (Romans 14:19).  Paul writes this in a way that peace and mutual edification go hand-in-hand and must not be uprooted from one another.

Therefore, encourage and build one another up, just as you are already doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

As we reflect on the restorative healing power of edification, remember that God’s character is such that He asks us to do for each other as He does for us.  In other words, his reason for admonishing us to exercise these character qualities is because he IS these qualities and wants us to be like Him.  In one of his final sermons, Jesus’ words echo powerfully through the ages, Love each other.  Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.  Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples (John 13:34-35). 

The scriptures share many beautiful ways we can do this.  Edifying one another results in productive fruitfulness when we pray for one another (James 5:16), love one another (John 13:34), live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16), don’t lie to one another (Colossians 3:9), have the same concern for one another (1 Corinthians 12:25), lovingly serve one another (Galatians 5:13), bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), are kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32), forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32), teach and admonish one another in all wisdom (Colossians 3:16), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18),  and stir up one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24).

Though edification is crucial it may not be enough to counteract severe effects of spiritual abuse.  We can’t emphasize enough the importance of seeking support from trauma trained individuals who are Christ centered.  These counselors will have strong mitigation tools and can be found locally or even right here at beEmboldened.  beEmboldened can connect you with a network of survivors and spiritually healthy leaders who can edify you, help you grow in Jesus and re-learn how to navigate your faith toward healing and wholeness.    

Whether we find ourselves on a cold mountain top, bracing against the blasting wind as we wait for the sunset, or in a shadowed valley, detoured far from our intended path, in our papa-daughter adventures we are continually reminded of the steadfast love of Jesus. He has given us His Spirit, not just to guide us, but to empower us to love one another, support one another, and walk in trust and unity. This is the very heart of our Creator. He calls us to live this way because He is that way, Father, Son, and Spirit in perfect and loving communion. In that restorative power, we find our healing and our hope in loving connection.

Sources Dodder: Biology and Management : Cranberry : Center for Agriculture, Food, and the Environment (CAFE) at UMass Amherst