Church Discipline: Dangerous in the Wrong Hands

The phrase church discipline reminds me of the phrase bed of nails because both evoke feelings of angst and pain, and both include words which seem completely mismatched. Beds should be warm and comfy, not puncture-wound-inducing; and church should be a safe place to learn about Jesus in a loving community, not a precinct for punishment.  

Thankfully, I’ve never had to sleep on nails, but I have experienced what was called church discipline. Despite the spiritual sounding words, the motives, actions, and applications involved in my story were entirely unbiblical. A process God lovingly designed to help restore and reconcile was twisted and used to control and intentionally shame. 

While the label church discipline isn’t in the Bible, the principles and purposes involved are clearly taught. The most comprehensive instructions are found in Matthew’s gospel chapter 18:15-20. Here scripture describes a process by which church members and leaders should go about confronting and helping others who are in various stages of outwardly evident sin. Before we can understand God’s good intention for a process like this, it helps to first have an accurate understanding of sin. 

Simply put, sin is anything we believe or do that’s contrary to God’s wise and perfectly good will. As creator of all, He is the only being able to determine how created things should function for their flourishing. In fact, He’s the only one who has the right to set the guidelines (which are perfectly loving because He is love). When we choose to do things our own way, it’s like turning our backs on God and stepping out of His perfectly good and loving plan. It makes sense that if His plan leads to our flourishing, abandoning the plan leads away from flourishing. Said another way, if God is our source and sustainer of life, turning away from Him brings the opposite of life. It brings death. This is what God clearly explained to Adam and Eve in the Garden (Gen. 2:16-17). 

The best possible place for us to be is in perfect relationship with our source of life. We flourish when we live according to His good and loving plans. All our needs are met. We’re safe and secure. God knows this and desires all of this and more for us. A good God wouldn’t watch His beloved children walk away toward death and say, Oh well! He would do all He can to bring them back into right relationship with Him, and that is the heart and biblical point of church discipline.  

There are several places where the principles of church discipline are addressed in scripture. As mentioned above, Matthew 18 sets out a three-step process for restoring and reconciling erring believers, specifically members of a church body. Verse 15 describes step one. If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. When two people understand the gift of repentance, offer forgiveness, have genuine relationship, and have each other’s best in mind, this private meeting can bring such a beautiful depth to the relationship with God and each other. 

If it doesn’t go well, verse 16 tells what to try next: But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. This doesn’t mean they have to be witnesses to the offense but rather witnesses to the attempt at restoration and reconciliation. If everyone in this small group has God’s heart in mind and speaks with genuine love for the parties involved rather than anger or retaliation, God can use this extra peer support to bring repentance and restoration—bringing the straying believer back into a position of flourishing. 

But, if that doesn’t work, and the sinner refuses to take steps back toward God, verse 17 gives a next step: If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. This is not a situation to be taken lightly or malevolently. The means and motives of this step matter so much to Jesus that He says His own presence and His own power are specifically involved in these matters (Matt. 18:18-20). In this step, the facts are presented to the larger church group for the purpose of teaching, guiding, and also making decisions about what steps should come next. These can include the person no longer being considered a member of the church, not being allowed to participate in communion since this is a sign of being in unity with the church (1 Cor. 10:17), or being excommunicated (1 Cor. 5:11). 

Being on the receiving end of church discipline is never fun, but when done God’s ways for God’s good purposes, it leads to life and freedom. When it’s all in God’s hands, the motive is always love. The trajectory is always toward Him. We’re invited to His throne of Grace where we experience relational intimacy and restoration. When church discipline is used as a tool in the wrong hands, there’s nothing beautiful about it. 

How do we know if church discipline is being used against us instead of for us? Here are a few questions that can help:  

1. Whose plan are we allegedly stepping out of? What is the sin?  Is the purpose of the first meeting to help us see how our sin is rebelling against God’s good plan for our life as communicated plainly in Scripture? Or is it to show us how we’ve disappointed or offended a religious leader who is disappointed in our actions because it’s making them look bad or bucking their plan, power, or system? 

   
   

2. Whose heart really matters most? Biblical church discipline is all about the heart of the sinner being restored to God’s plan (as revealed in scripture not twisted by a leader) because it sets them free. Unbiblical church discipline most often centers around the heart or feelings of the abuser who feels threatened, offended, or disappointed for his or her own sake. Of course, all hearts involved matter, but the direct purpose of church discipline is to help the wandering one find their way home. 

   
   

3. How do I feel? While feelings aren’t always a perfect indicator of truth, God can use them as warning lights on the dashboard of our souls. Even when we’re unsure of ourselves, we can often tell the difference between feeling encouraged or shamed. Biblical church discipline doesn’t make us feel like we should find the nearest rock and stay underneath it forever. It doesn’t take us out into the middle of the street and invite a crowd to mock and laugh at our expense. Biblical church discipline encourages us to come into the light while covering us with Christ’s robe of righteousness. Yes, we’ll see our sin and feel regret and deep sorrow, but we’ll also feel surrounded by friends who will rejoice in our victory and healing. 

When carried out as an act of love in obedience to God, church discipline helps us stay on the narrow path, following our Healing Savior, and reflecting Him to a hurting world who needs the real Jesus. While there are many sins we can work through privately with Jesus alone such as impure thought patterns and private habits in need of surrender, when a church member and professing Christian lives in open, unrepentant public sins, it can affect and influence the entire church (and watching world), potentially leading them away from truth. There is nothing more tragic.  

God’s words to the children of Israel in 2 Chronicles 7:14 are a beautiful reminder for believers today—including church leaders. He says, If my people, which are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sins, and heal their land. 

In response we can say as King David said in Psalm 27:7-8: Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.” 

His face. His heart. His hands. Exactly where we belong.